Limit Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Always walk with a document in your hands:
    People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. Those with a newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make certain you carry loads of stuff home with you at night. This will generate the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
    Use computers to look busy:
    Any time you use a computer, it looks like 'work' to the casual observer. You can send/receive personal email, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These are not exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they aren't bad either. When you get caught by the boss, and you *will* get caught, your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable more...

    What's the speed limit of sex?
    68 cause at 69 you gotta turn around

    A fellow wanted to learn how to duck hunt but could not find anybody who would take him out to learn how so he st a rted to hunt by himself. He felt frusterated after five day's hunting without getting the first feather much less a shot.So he goes back to the boat launch to go home and see's a fellow coming in with the front of his boat full of ducks and thinks to himself damn I think i'll go over and ask him if he needs a hand and maybe i'll learn a secret or two, So he say's to the hunter with a bag over his head Sir can I help you with loadind up your boat and the man with the bag on his head said sure. So did you have any luck today? The new hunter said he hadn't shot at a duck in five days and the man said do you want me to take you out so you can get your limit? the new hunter said sure I'd love to maybe you can teach me a thing or two, on the way out the hunter ask why the man still had the bag on his head and he said i'll show you in a minute. They threw out some decoys and more...

    A man is speeding down the freeway when he's stopped by a police car and has to pull over.
    "Do you realize you were doing 90 m.p.h. in a 60 m.p.h. zone, sir?" asks the policeman.
    "That's impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit," replies the driver.
    The driver's wife butts in and says, "Yes, you do, I'm always telling you to keep your speed down."
    The policeman says, "I also noticed, sir, that you didn't have your seat belt on. You put it on as I was walking up to your car."
    That is not true, sir; I always wear my seat belt," replies the driver.
    "No, you don't, I'm always telling you to put your seat belt on," says the driver's wife.
    "Dammit, woman!" the driver explodes, "Can't you, just for once, keep that big, fat trap of yours shut?!"
    The policeman is a bit shocked by how the driver is speaking to his wife, so he moves around to her side of the car. "Does he often more...

    A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old ladies were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
    The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
    "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."
    "I beg to differ, sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman said.
    The State Police officer, chuckling, explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
    "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken," the officer asked.
    "Oh, more...

  • Recent Activity