A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
When I was in the Air Force, they had a weekly paper.
It had a lost and found section. One day I was reading it and saw this:
"Found, one black boy's bicycle".
Wonder how they knew?
In Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died
In Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe(again)
3. Australia lost the Ashes (again)
4. Pope Died (again)
Moral of the story -
In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry....
Please warn the Pope
Q: Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A: When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.