Page Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Shepherd...

    Hot 3 years ago

    A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
    The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure!"
    The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "You have here exactly 1586 sheep!"
    "This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the more...

    Where's Spiderman's home page? On the world wide web.

    America Offline

    Hot 4 years ago

    [To the tune of "American Pie"]
    A long, long, time ago
    I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines.
    And I knew if I had the chance
    They could make my modem dance
    with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines.
    But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver
    with every busy they'd deliver.
    Bad news on the front page
    A 19-hour outrage.
    I can't remember if I cried
    when I realized that Steve Case had lied.
    But something touched me deep inside
    The day the service died.
    So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
    Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine.
    And good old geeks are cheering users offline
    Saying this'll be the day that they die.
    This'll be the day that they die.
    Did you write the book of TOS
    Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS
    If an IM tells you so.
    And will you believe the Motley Fool
    When he tells you that the service rules
    And can you teach me how to Web real more...

    [To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance They could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they'd deliver. Bad news on the front page A 19-hour outrage. I can't remember if I cried when I realized that Steve Case had lied. But something touched me deep inside The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine. And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool When he tells you that the service rules And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well I know you sold the service short Cause I saw your quarterly report. Steve Case sold off more...

    1. Download a piece of Web authoring software - 20 minutes.
    2. Think about what you want to write on your Web page - 6 weeks.
    3. Download the same piece of Web authoring software, because they have released 3 new versions since the first time you downloaded it - 20 minutes.
    4. Decide to just steal some images and awards to put on your site - 1 minute.
    5. Visit sites to find images and awards, find 5 of them that you like - 4 days.
    6. Run setup of your Web authoring software. After it fails, download it again - 25 minutes.
    7. Run setup again, boot the software, click all toolbar buttons to see what they do - 15 minutes.
    8. View the source of others' pages, steal some, change a few words here and there - 4 hours.
    9. Preview your Web page using the Web Authoring software - 1 minute.
    10. Try to horizontally line up two related images - 6 hours.
    11. Remove one of the images - 10 seconds.
    12. Set the text's font color to the same color as your more...

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