A festive holiday poem by Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved, so bright and so more...
Beer and Ice Cream Diet
As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source, your body fat.
For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg. F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams.
Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. X 37 deg. x 168 gms) are extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is normalized.
Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the more...
Definitely Urban Legend...
A businessman from Wisconsin took a business trip to Louisiana.
Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port and sent a short E-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnston, at her address, JenJohn@abc.world.net.
Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter in the e-dress, and the E-mail ended up going to JeanJohn@abc.world.net. This belonged to a Jean Johnson of Duluth Min., the widow of a preacher who had just passed away and had been buried earlier that day.
The preacher's wife took one look at the E-mail and promptly fainted.
It read,' Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here!'
This quiz is dedicated to all of those people who find themselves constantly roaming the net. Do you leave yourself logged in twenty-four hours a day, even when you're not home? Is your wpm typing speed higher than your IQ? Are you having trouble seeing things at distances greater than 2 feet? Yes, YOU. You know who you are.
Ok... shall we begin? Yes? 5 points... (you could've backed out.)
Unless otherwise stated, point values are as follows:
2 for (a), 4 for (b), 6 for (c), and 10 for (d).
How many valid net addresses do you have?
Multiple machines at the same site do not count.
How many hours did it take for you to create your. sig?
b) More than one
c) More than five
d) I'm still looking for a really funky quote
On an average working day, how many email messages do you receive?
a) Nobody sends me any mail... sniff
b) Three, but they're all from Lester in the next cubicle over, more...
[To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance They could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they'd deliver. Bad news on the front page A 19-hour outrage. I can't remember if I cried when I realized that Steve Case had lied. But something touched me deep inside The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine. And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool When he tells you that the service rules And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well I know you sold the service short Cause I saw your quarterly report. Steve Case sold off more...