Taylor Jokes / Recent Jokes
Then: Long hair
Now: Longing for hair
Then: The perfect high
Now: The perfect high yield mutual fund
Then: KEG
Now: EKG
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux
Then: Moving to Calif. because it's cool
Now: Moving to Calif. because it's warm
Then: Growing pot
Now: Growing pot belly
Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
Now: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
Then: Seeds and stems
Now: Roughage
Then: Popping pills, smoking joints
Now: Popping joints
Then: Killer weed
Now: Weedkiller
Then: Hoping for a BMW
Now: Hoping for a BM
Then: The Grateful Dead
Now: Dr. Kevorkian
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
Now: Receiving a new hip joint
Then: Rolling Stones
Now: Kidney Stones
Then: Being called into the principal's office
Now: Calling the principal's office
Then: Screw the system
Now: Upgrade the system
Then: Peace sign
Now: more...
Elizabeth Taylor was told by Jackson family members not to attend the funeral for Michael. Father Joe Jackson told reporters, " We didn't want that old bag dying here and ruining everything for us "
A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said "Kramer, your grandmother died." The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, "You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you." The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor's grandfather had passsed away. The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, "Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor!"
Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.
The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can."
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.
When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split."
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat. She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder. . Balls to you."
"Gossip Girl" star Taylor Momsen has been hospitalized. The announcement came from a guy who knows a girl who heard from someone who's pretty sure she saw Taylor talking to an ambulance driver.
Three Jewish men arrive in New York from Europe, and decide to meet again in 20 years to see how they all made out in America.
20 years pass...
The first man asks the second, "So, nu? How'd you do?" He replies: Vell, you know...ven I came to this country I had no idea vhat to do with myself to make a livink. So I looked at my last name. Goldstein. So I vent into the gold business. And oy, did I make a FORTUNE!"
He turns to the next man and asks, "So nu, how 'bout you?"
He says "Vell, like you I had no idea vhat I vas going to do in this vast country to make a livink, so I too, looked to my last name. Silverberg. So I vent into silver. And oy, did I make a fortune!"
So they both turn to the last man and say, "And you? Vat happened to you?"
So the third man said, "Vell, I too had no idea how I vas to make a living here in America, so I looked at my last name. Taylor. I said, das no good. I never make money as a more...