Spring Jokes / Recent Jokes
Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a Weak End (Weekend). Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door. Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring. Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without. Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and she'll last for many years. Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy... by remaining a bachelor. Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do... but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did. Forecast for Wedding... Expected development of warm front, with extreme turbulence and moisture in lower regions. Good possibility of six inches overnight. Sun (son) is expected later on. Friend of groom giving a toast: Here's a toast to your new bride who has more...
A Louisiana man walks into a travel agancy in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hit a button, two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet, stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river.
A few moments later another Louisiana man walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river.
A few miles down river the two men catch up to one another and the first man says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?"
The second replies,"They didn`t last year."
Today is Make up your own holiday day. So here goes:
Spring cat cleaning day. For best results use the "Delicate" cycle.
Grease your automatic garage door opener without getting grease in your hair day.
Salt and pepper integration day, a day to mix your salt and pepper in one shaker to encourage moderation in the use of both.
Antiacid appreciation day, sometimes called Burpless Thursday.
Shave off half your moustache day.
Spring sock hunting day, a day to turn the house upside-down to find all those missing odd socks.
Macaroni and cheese day. Try to give away free bites door-to-door.
Start a new hobby day. Go to every hardware store in town and see how many different free paint samples you can collect.
Kiss somebody the way they used to do it in the movies without slobbering day.
Confucius say:
-------------
. Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.
. Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
. He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.
. Wife who put man in dog house find him in cat house.
. Man who farts in church sits alone in pew.
. Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
. Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
. Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
. Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
. Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
. Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
. Modern house without toilet uncanny.
. Woman who springs on inner-spring this spring, gets off-spring next spring.
. Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
. Man who have hand in pocket more...
Q. What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A. Spring-time!
That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man - as
well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts).
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 a.m.
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU: the Weaker Sex
ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If more...