Excited Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man has been married to his wife for over 20 years and during the past 5 years he has been unable to obtain an erection. He feels just horrible because he is unable to have sex with his wife. He fears his wife may leave him for another man. Out of desperation the man has gone to every doctor and expert in the area. Despite numerous tests and suggested remedies, no reason for his impotence can be found and no cure has worked. The man decides to share his problem with his best friend. His best friend gets all excited and says, "I know who can help you! There is mystic and he was able to help someone else I know with the same problem! You must go see him!"So the man takes his friend's advice and goes to visit this curious mystic. The man explains his problem, the mystic looks him over and says, "Ah, yes, indeed I can offer a temporary cure." The man is just elated, he tells the mystic, "Whatever it is, please do it! I want to be able to have sex with my wife, more...

    Three brothers

    Hot 5 years ago

    There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the youngest got the bottom floor.
    A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
    The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the noise they'd heard last night was.
    He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
    The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his girlfriend the next night.
    During that night, the two other brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
    The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last night was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
    Now, the more...

    A Scottish man was at a baseball game.

    It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run, Run!"

    This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game.

    The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run, Man, rrrun!"

    Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, "He can't run because he got four balls."

    The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!"

    Emotional needs !

    Hot 1 year ago

    A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does.
    But then the wife suddenly stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
    "WHAT!?" says her husband.
    The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
    The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth $200 each.
    The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn't care. She goes for the matching tennis bracelet. The husband says "You don't even play more...

    Our famous Udurawana was attending a conference in London. He was flying for the first time. Here are some incidents which took place during that trip.
    GETTING ON
    At Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time and he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket. I'll give you some later! "
    EMBARKATION CARD
    When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to fill. Udurawana started filling.
    Full Name: Heen Banda Udurawana
    Sex: Ticked the Female Box and wrote below: unlike these foreigners, we always have sex with females!
    GETTING OFF
    Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited and anxious to get off. So he more...

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