Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the Train

Hot 1 year ago

A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit.Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other. There was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her. "Could I please sit in that seat" he asked. The lady was insulted. "You Americans are so rude" she said, "can't you see my dog is sitting there"? He walked through the train more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place. "Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down" he said.The lady more...

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked
"How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"

More soviet Joke

Hot 1 year ago

Czech walks into police station in 1968 during the Fraternal
Assistance.
Czech: Hey, out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked
me down and took my Russian watch.
Desk Sergeant: Come again?
Czech: Are you deaf? Out there in the street, a Swiss soldier
knocked me down and took my Russian watch.
Desk Sergeant: You're confused. It was a Russian soldier who
knocked you down and took your Swiss watch.
Czech: Well, maybe, but you said it, not me.
Henry Cate III

Soldier stands guard

Hot 5 years ago

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"

Wrong bitch

Hot 5 years ago

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, more...

Military Decorations

Hot 6 years ago

"What's that medal for, grandpa?"

"Oh, the Purple Heart, sweetie. You're given it when you're injured in the line of duty."

"And that shiny one with the eagle?"

"The Soldier's Medal, hun. I got it for pulling out two guys from a blown-up Humvee and dragging them fifty yards to safety through enemy fire."

"What about that HUGE gold one with Obama giving you a jumping high-five?"

"That's the Epic Win Award for Badass Motherf***ery. I got it for drop kicking a door that killed an insurgent on the other side."

Chronic disease!

Hot 7 years ago

An army Major visiting the sick army men, went to one soldier and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.
He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed where Santa was lying and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's more...