Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. And then he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room. So now he was completely naked in the halls of the headquarters of the most powerful military organization on the planet. And he felt pretty ridiculous. Getting an idea, he walked naked and purposefully through the corridors until he reached the Research & Development laboratory. He walked in and saluted the Head Scientist. "I am here to report the partial success of the personal invisibility device!"

One day an American General, a Russian General and an Indian General were all going to England in a ship. All of them were very boastful.
AG: "I have the bravest and most courageous crew in the world. See for yourselves. Oy, you!" (he called to an American soldier) "Swim around this moving ship."
The American soldier jumped into the sea without a word, and swam around the moving ship and returned.
AG: See the guts!
RG: "Oh, that's nothing. See this. You, (he called to a Russian soldier) swim 5 rounds around this moving ship!"
The Russian soldier also jumped into the sea and swam 5 times around the moving ship and returned.
RG: "See the guts!"
IG: "Oh, that's nothing compared to MY soldiers. You, (he called to Banta Singh) swim 10 times around this moving ship!"
Banta Singh: "Am I your servant?"
IG: "See the guts!"
AG & RG :....!!!

Mr. Reiss got himself a new secretary. Maggie was young, sweet and
polite.
One day while taking dictation, Maggie noticed his fly was open and, on
leaving the room, she said "Oh, Mr Reiss, did you know that your
barracks door is open?"
He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look
down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with
his new secretary. Calling her in, he asked "By the way, Miss Bolt, when
you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you see a soldier standing
at attention?"
She was quite witty. "Why, no, Mr. Reiss" she replied. "All I saw was a
disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags."

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump.The corporal explained the procedure "You count toten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn'topen, pull the second. That should do it. Then, afteryou land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up."The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary"Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted toten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open.He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn'topen. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet thatgoddamn truck won't be there either!"

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.
"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go' Bangety Bang Bang'."
"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go,' Stabity Stab Stab'."
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.
The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead. More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang! shouts more...

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.

A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.

"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, "Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!" He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, "Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!"

"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General`s office. "Since we weren`t actually at war," the General began, "I can`t give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated.

What we`ve decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We`ll start on the left, boys, so what`ll it be?"

Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!" General: "Very good son, that`s 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"

Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"

General: "Even better son, that`s 72 inches more...