Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes
A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect
salute, and snapped out, "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied, "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"The Private didn't agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded, "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again, and said, "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General more...
A soldier comes back from the Iraq war after two years to find that his wife has just had a baby.Puzzled, he goes to see his doctor."Well," The doctor explains, "It's what we call a grudge baby.""What's that?" The confused soldier asks."The result of someone having it in for you while you were away."
A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They are bragging and joshing about how many kills they have so far to keep up courage on their route through the rubbled buildings. Sergeant Joe thumps his chest and proclaims. "I got me 4 germans bagged so far. Howabout you John?" Before Pfc John can reply, a lone german soldier runs out of a trashed hotel. In the process of throwing down his rifle after seeing the larger allied soldier group, he shouts "NEIN!" Pfc John takes aim at the enemy and shoots him. "Well, he wont get himself a tenth allied soldier." Joe all year long!
A soldier had lost his bayonet and whittled one from wood so he could stand inspection. He was hoping not to be discovered until the regiment had gone into battle where he could pick up one from a dead soldier. At an inspection, an officer asked to see his bayonet. The soldier stated, "Sir, I promised my father I would never unsheathe my bayonet unless I intended to kill with it." The officer insisted he hand over the bayonet. Taking it out, the soldier looked skyward and declared, "May the Lord change this bayonet to wood for breaking my vow."
A soldier in Vietnam saw a local man coming down the road with his wife behind him with a bicycle loaded with all their worldly possessions. The soldier asked him why he carried nothing but a cigarette and his wife had to push the bicycle alone. The man replied, "TRADITION".
Two weeks later he saw the same local man on the same road but this time she was in front and he was pushing the loaded bicycle. The soldier asked him what happened to TRADITION and the man said "LAND MINES"
The Vietnamese soldier serving in Cambodia, far from home, was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying: "Regret -- cannot remember which one is you. Please keep your photo and return the others."