Shredder Jokes / Recent Jokes

Thoughts and stories from on the job
My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for? " I told him, "Nope! I do this for free."
This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too".
Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work? " I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions? " She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from? "
People always say that hard work never killed anybody. more...

Nitroglycerin suppository
My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
Paper cuts from hate mail
Wine press
Random act of terrorism
Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
Exploding gas barbeque
Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
Rusty meat hook
Pulp digester / Saw mill
Sexually transmitted disease
Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
Baney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista... BARNEY!".
Exploding school bus
Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
Sacrifice to a tribal god
Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
Asphixiation on a twinkie
Bungee more...

A new employee at a large company walked up to a paper shredder and stood before it looking confused.
"Need some help?" the senior secretary asked.
"Yes, how does this thing work?"
"It's simple," she said as she took the thick report from her colleague's hand and fed it into the shredder.
"See?"
"I see," he said, "but how many copies will it make?"
It's really amazing how easy it is to misunderstand a message and sometimes rather embarassing, but funny!

So, a seceratary was leaving the office
when she saw the CEO standing in front
of the paper shredder with a piece of
paper in his hand. "Excuse me." said the
CEO, "This is a very important document.
Could you get this thing to work?" so the
seceratary tuned on the machine,
inserted the paper and pressed the start
button and the paper went. "Great," said
the CEO, "I just need one copy."

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary asked.

"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"

"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

Thoughts and stories from on the job

My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for? " I told him, "Nope! I do this for free."

This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too".

Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work? " I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions? " She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from? "

People always say that hard more...

My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for? " I told him, "Nope! I do this for free."
This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too".
Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work? " I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions? " She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from? "
People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah? ?? When's the last time ya ever more...