A kid walks into an ice cream store and when he steps up to the counter the owner asks him what he wants.
The kid just stares and looks around with a glazed expression on his face and doesn't say anything. Finally the owner realizing that this kid isn't all there decides to point to certain items. He points to the vanilla ice cream and asks the boy if he would like vanilla. The boy's body shakes, and then he nods his head and points to the vanilla.
"Okay," said the owner, "how about a cup for your ice cream?" as he points to the cups.
The boy shakes some more, nods and points at the cups.
So the owner goes on..."caramel sauce?"
The boy again shakes, nods, and points and the jar of caramel sauce.
"Some whipped cream?"
Again the boy shakes, nods and points to the whipped cream can.
"A red cherry on top?" as he points to the cherries in a container.
The boy shakes, nods, and points at the more...
My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
Paper cuts from hate mail
Random act of terrorism
Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
Exploding gas barbeque
Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
Rusty meat hook
Pulp digester / Saw mill
Sexually transmitted disease
Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
Baney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista... BARNEY!".
Exploding school bus
Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
Sacrifice to a tribal god
Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
Asphixiation on a twinkie
This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."
Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news."
Again the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?"
Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."
The guy slumps, just crushed.
Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, more...
This old guy wobbles into an ice cream shop.
He has a hard time walking. He is hunched over.
He goes up to the counter and says, "Banana Split, please."
The lady at the counter replies, "Crushed nuts?"
The old man says, "No, Arthritis!"
This old guy wobbles into an ice cream shop.He has a hard time walking. He is hunched over.He goes up to the counter and says, "Banana Split, please."The lady at the counter replies, "Crushed nuts?"The old man says, "No, Arthritis!"