Ceo Jokes

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    Holiday Party Memo

    Hot 2 years ago

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 1, 2009

    RE: Gala Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family,

    Patty



    Company more...

    A young executive was leaving the office late one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?" "Certainly," the young executive says. He turns the machine on, inserts the paper, and presses the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" says the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

    The Big Shake-up!

    Hot 4 years ago

    A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

    On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

    The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - "and how much money do you make a week?"

    Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $
    200. 00 a week. Why?"

    The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams - "here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

    Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - "does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

    With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters - "Pizza delivery guy".

    REDMOND, WA--In what CEO Bill Gates called'an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors,' the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.

    With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs--unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.

    'Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975,' Gates told reporters.' For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek compensation for the use of our numerals.'

    A number more...

    A new company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid he company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO, walks up the guy and asks -? and how much money do you make a week?? Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies,? I make $200.00 a week. Why?? The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams -? here?s a week?s pay, now GET OUT and don?t come back!? Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks -? does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?? With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters -? That was the Pizza delivery guy?.

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