Accidentally Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Aamir Khan, Vivek Oberoi and Salman Khan die together in an accident and go
    to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here
    in heaven: Don`t step on the ducks!"
    So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
    It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their
    best to avoid them, Aamir accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter
    with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together
    and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity
    chained to the ugly woman!"
    The next day, Vivek Uberoi steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn`t miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for Aamir Khan.
    Salman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all
    eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY more...

    "Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal; but boys and girls are not born the same.
    1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
    2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your
    home to the church, even if you're driving there.
    3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.
    4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
    5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they more...

    A guy boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours? Other guy: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident.See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the hugest tits in the world was there. So, instead of saying 'I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh', I accidentally said 'I'd like a Picket to Tittsburgh.' And then she socked me one."First guy: "Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: 'Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties.' But I accidentally said:'You ruined my life you fuckin' bitch!'"

    Some fun things to do the next time you're on one of those long international flights to kill time...
    Pinch the stewardess' butt as she passes.
    When two people kiss in the in flight movie, belch real loud.
    When there's any nudity, hoot really loudly for a few minutes.
    Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it.
    Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar.
    Hijack the cockpit and, over the loudspeaker, announce that the first class passengers and luggage are to switch places.
    Run down the aisle screaming, "He's got a bomb! He's got a bomb!"
    Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed.
    "Accidentally" spill your soda on the dork next to you.
    Give someone a coin, saying "Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don't."
    Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! more...

    It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). The 1997 nominees are: NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. NOMINEE No. 2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what. police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Bums hung underneath so that he could asthe source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft." NOMINEE No. 3 [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to more...

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