Seventy-five Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    After examining his seventy-five year old patient, the doctor said, "You're in remarkable shape for a man your age."
    "Yes, I know," said the old gentleman. "I have only one complaint. My sex drive is too high. Is there anything you can do for that, Doc?"
    "Your what?!" gasped the doctor.
    "My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."
    "Lower it?!" the doctor exclaimed, still unable to believe what the seventy-five year old gentleman was saying. "Just what do you consider 'high'?"
    "These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc," said the old man, "and I'd like to have you lower it a couple of feet if you can."

    A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate."That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive.""Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars.""Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat's brain? Why on earth is that?""Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we would have to kill?"

    Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!

    A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch."I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly Im looking for someone to do my worrying for me.""How do you mean?" says the accountant."I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters.""OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?""You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner."Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?""That," says the man, "is your first worry."

    A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I. Q. 20 points.

    After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center`s director that he was an acceptable candidate.

    "That`s great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."

    "Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant`s brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist`s brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president`s is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat`s brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."

    "Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat`s brain? Why on earth is that?"

    "Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we would more...

  • Recent Activity