Accountant Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tax Time

    Hot 1 year ago

    A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
    The accountant says: "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc, and then asks, "what is your occupation?"
    "I'm a whore," she says.
    The accountant balks and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. That is too gross. Let's try to rephrase that."
    The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."
    "No, that is still too crude. Try again."
    They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
    The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore & call girl?
    "Well, I raised over a thousand little peckers last year."
    He replies: "Good enough."

    Three engineers and threeaccountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountantseach buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see,"answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seatsbut all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train hasdeparted, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom doorand says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emergeswith a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy theengineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). Whenthey get to the station they buy a single more...

    Economist

    Hot 3 years ago

    A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
    The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
    The mathematician replies "Four."
    The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says
    "Yes, four, exactly."
    Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The
    accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
    Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
    The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

    54

    Hot 4 years ago

    A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
    Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
    I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
    When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
    Dear Husband (that's what she called him):
    I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.
    You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.

    Government Workers

    Hot 2 years ago

    Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker.
    To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff!". T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
    Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff!". Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
    Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
    Everyone more...

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