Dear Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT. On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note: Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that; 1) it had never been occupied
    2) that there was plenty of heat
    3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home. However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check more...

    Planting the Lettuce

    Hot 1 year ago

    A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:

    "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

    The prisoner wrote another letter back:

    "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

    A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
    Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
    Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky
    The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends,
    aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
    There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:
    Dear Becky,
    I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
    Take Care, Ricky

    What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

    Gravy Ladle

    Hot 1 year ago

    In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is
    reserved for the pastor and his housekeeper.
    One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the
    rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the
    housekeeper was and he wondered...
    After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that
    everything was purely professional and that she was the housekeeper and cook and
    that was that.
    About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, "Father, ever
    since the new assistant came for dinner, I have not been able to find the
    beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?"
    The pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he wrote,
    "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not
    saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact more...

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