Accountant Jokes / Recent Jokes
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," complains the man."Have you tried counting sheep?" inquired the doctor. The accountant replied, "That's the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!"
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him):
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.
You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.
Ted, fresh out of business school, was being interviewed for a job as an accountant. The interviewer was a very nervous man who ran the small business he had started by himself.
The man said, "What I'm in need of is someone with an accounting degree. Mainly, I'm looking for someone who will do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" Ted said.
"I worry about many things, but I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job would be to take all the financial worries off my back," replied the man.
"OK. How much does the job pay?" asked Ted.
"To start, sixty-five thousand dollars," was the man's reply.
"Sixty-five thousand dollars!" exclaimed Ted. "How on earth can such a small business afford a salary like that?"
"That, Ted, is your first worry!" was the reply.
An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.
After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself."
The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter.
"It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young," says St. Peter.
The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "123 years old? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40."
St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!"
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldnt prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On a n impulse the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, Ive left the company, Im not more...
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says
"Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.