Costs Jokes

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    Architect programmer

    Hot 6 years ago

    If architects had to work like programmers...Dear Mr. Architect, Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If more...

    Saw this one on a professor's door:
    The evolution of mathematics education
    during the last 30 years.
    A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his
    selling price. What is his profit?
    A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his
    selling price, i.e. $8. What is his profit?
    1970's (New Math)
    A farmer exchanges a set P of potatoes with a set M of money. The cardinality
    of the set M is equal to $10 and each element of M is worth $1. Draw 10 big
    dots representing the elements of M.
    The set C of production costs is comprised of 2 big dots less than the set M.
    Represent C as a subset of M and give the answer to the question: What is the
    cardinality of the set of profits? (Draw everything in red).
    A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are $8 and his
    profit is $2. Underline the word "potatoes" and discuss with your more...

    This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, "How much are your parrots?"The salesman answers, "The first one is $1,000." "Well, what does he know?" asked the potential buyer."He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences, and is able to solve mathematical expressions.""How about the second one?""The second parrot costs $5,000.""What does he know?""He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, AND create computer programs.""Then what is the price for the third one?," the buyer wondered."This one costs $20,000.""Really?!," exclaimed the exciting buyer. "What does he know?""This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him 'their boss'."

    A man walks into a pet store and asks for a German shepperd. The shopkeeper, replies that it will cost him $500. The man thinks for a minute, then asks how much a beware of dog sign costs. The shopkeeper calmly replies that it costs a whopping $1.98. The man thinks for a while longer, and asks for a beware of dog sign.

    Cutting Labor Costs

    Hot 4 years ago

    The railways are always looking for ways to cut labor costs. Years ago there used to be five crew members on a train. Then they went to four, then three, and now many freight train crews are made up of two people, the engineman and the brakeman.
    They finally figured out a way to eliminate one more crewman, and many were surprised to find out that they were eliminating the engineman. They replaced him with a baboon who had been sent to school for just one day. Most engineers study for years before they can qualify for the job.
    On the first trip the brakeman was a bit leery, but thought he'd give it a try. They outfitted the cab of the engine with two color monitors, one in front of the baboon, and one in front of the brakeman.
    While in the yard, the brakeman heard the carman on the radio call for the brakes to be setup for the brake test. The screen in front of the baboon flashed the message "SETUP BRAKES" and the baboon did.
    Next, the carman called for the more...

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