Institute Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The story behind this joke:... There's this nutball who digs things out his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that this guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Paleoanthropology DivisionSmithsonian Institute207 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington, DC 20078Dear Sir: Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. "Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu more...

    Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many "Big Mac" hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany's leading institutes.The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald's restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies' relative purchasing power.The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, "baskets" of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.A simple alternative, now that McDonald's has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said."A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just barely obtain four more...

    One day, in the mental institute, a doctor visited one of his new patients.
    "How are you today?" he asked, when he saw his patient.
    "Oh. I'm fine thank you very much. How about you?" replied the patient.
    "Oh, I'm fine," answered the doctor, while thinking if he should let this patient go seeing as how he was polite and all. "So, did you sleep alright last night?"
    "Oh, heavens no. The mosquitoes were such a bother, I got so angry that I put up a mosquito net around the bed but I climbed under the bed. HA! They can bite whatever they want inside the net, but I'll be safe and sound under the bed," answered the patient with an air of dignity.
    "Never mind."

    Scientists Discover Previously Unknown Holidays
    by S.J.Zeve at Hacker Times December 16, 1985
    Researchers at the Hacker Institute have discovered a previously unknown pair of holidays similar in nature to All Saints Day and Halloween. Researchers claim that these holidays have been missed in the past due to their rather specialized natures and a non-religious orientation.
    Adding to the confusion is the fact that the holidays seem, in many respects, to be fairly young in age and so not quite settled properly into calendar slots as are such older and more staid holidays as Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Easter, Purim, Hannukah, and so forth. Indeed these two new holidays not only float around within the calendar from year to year on every currently known calendar system, but they are even known to shift position depending on where in the world you are celebrating them. For example, in the USA they might be celebrated in June while in Argentina they get celebrated in more...

    There was this guy in the mental institute who was taking his medicine that the nurse gave him.
    The same nurse was walking past his room and saw him shaking very vigorously.
    Intrigued, the nurse asked,"Dear patient, why are you shaking? Are you cold?"
    Still shaking, the patient replied, "No, my dear nurse, the bottle of medicine you gave me said 'shake before drinking' but I forgot to shake!"
    "Oh dear."

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