A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey be very careful when you drive the ball-don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses! Alright let's go up there, apologize, and see how much that's going to cost."They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side on the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke the window?""Uh yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - more...
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "-I know,-" he says, "they say 'you can't take it with you.' But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something." They each agree to carry out his wish.
Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, "-Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we more...
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what the consider a marvelous new game.
Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.
Then, the paper reports: "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs."
- Audobon Magazine
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Once there was a Accountant. The business had been in the family for generations and generations. Over time, with the countless clients that had gone in and out of the office, the marble step in front of the building had developed a big, deep dip in it from all the wear and tear.
His friends kept telling the accountant that he had better get it replaced, otherwise he'd be sued for everything he had if anyone ever slipped and fell.
Reluctantly, the accountant called a stonemason to get a quote for the repairs.
When the stonemason got there the accountant demanded a price for a new step.
'Hmmmm, big job that'. said the stonemason, 'But I suppose I could give you a new step for a ten thousand rupees.'
The accountant was stunned. 'Are you mad, man? I can't pay you that much!'
Thinking about it for a second he turned to the stonemason and asked: 'What would you charge me to dig up the step and turn it over so that the worn part is in the ground and I'd get a new more...