Sad Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fred, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim and Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.

At the 51st floor, Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"

Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...

How do you know youre leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."

One day, a genie was in a remarkably good mood, so he decided to go around the world, granting people their fondest wishes.
First, he came to London, where he saw a very sad-looking Englishman. He said to the man, "I am a genie. Tell me what you want most, and I will grant it to you."
The Englishman said, "My cousin Nigel has the most beautiful mansion you ever saw, but I don't even have a house at all. It's not fair! I'm just as good as he is! Why should HE have such a beautiful house and not me? Well, I want you to give me a house even bigger than Nigel's."
The genie snapped his fingers, and the house appeared magically. The Englishman was delighted.
Next, the genie went to Paris, where he saw a sad Frenchman. The genie asked the Frenchman what he wanted most. The Frenchman said, "My cousin Pierre has the most beautiful wife you ever saw, but I don't have a wife at all. It's not fair!
Why should HE have a beautiful wife and not me? I more...

Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in ahelicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutesand finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, "I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries." "Well " says Chelsea, "you could throw $100, 000 out the window of thehelicopter. I'm sure that the poor will get some of it." He agrees that it's a good idea and he does. About 5 minutes later he starts thinking again. Hillary asks "Why do you still look so sad? You just threw $100, 000 outthe window of the helicopter. That helped a lot of poor people." He says "I still feel like I didn't do enough." She says "Well, Bill, why don't you throw another $100, 000 out thewindow? That should make a lot of people happy." Again he says it's a good idea and he does. A few moments later and again he looks unhappy and he says "I stilldon't think I've done enough." This more...

Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad.

He says, "I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries."

"Well " says Chelsea, "you could throw $100, 000 out the window of the helicopter. I'm sure that the poor will get some of it."

He agrees that it's a good idea and he does. About 5 minutes later he starts thinking again.

Hillary asks "Why do you still look so sad? You just threw $100, 000 out the window of the helicopter. That helped a lot of poor people."

He says "I still feel like I didn't do enough."

She says "Well, Bill, why don't you throw another $100, 000 out the window? That should make a lot of people happy."

Again he says it's a good idea and he does. A few moments later and again more...

Im very sad to announce this morning, girls, that Miss Jones has decided to retire, said the principal at morning assembly. Now we will all stand and sing this mornings hymn.... now Thank We All Our God.