Romance Jokes / Recent Jokes

Smart man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. “Shit! ” says the ant. “One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave! ”

"WOMEN." So simple, yet so complex. So weak, yet
so powerful. So confusing, yet so desirable.
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman.
If you don't, you are not a man.
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying.
If you don't, you are good for nothing.
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing.
If you don't, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an "experience man".
If you don't, you are half a man.
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring.
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy.
If you don't, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says it's bad.
If you don't, she thinks you don't love her.
If you attempt a romance, she says you don't respect
her.
If you don't, she thinks you don't like her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard
to wait.
If she is more...

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man. If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing. If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding. If you make romance, you are an' experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man. If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing. If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy. If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her. If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her. If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way. If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another,' oh it's natural, we are girls'. If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. more...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy...
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system.
Simple Duties
You make the bed+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets-1
You leave the toilet seat up-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings+5
In the snow+8
But return with beer-5
Social Engagements
Party
You stay by her side the entire party0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking mate-2
Named more...

A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they find themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there for awhile, they get into a ritual of going to the beach every night to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle -- in short, a perfect night for romance! Well, that pig started looking better and better, and pretty soon the guy rolled towards the pig and put his arm around it. The dog was not very happy with this, and growled fiercely at the guy until he moved his arm away.

The three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there were no more efforts at cuddling. A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to good health. When she was completely well, they introduced her to more...

A married couple were going through some rough times in their marriage. The sexual drive was lacking, the passion gone. So they decided to go to see a marriage counselor. After a few sessions, the counselor realized nothing he could do would help. However, he still suggested that the couple go on a cruise, to see if they could rekindle any of the romance they once had. They schedule a follow up visit for 2 weeks later.
The couple go on the cruise. The first night, they go dancing, swimming, and enjoy the many other activities on the ship. At about 1 AM they retire to their cabin, exhausted. They got a doubles room when booking their cruise, so the beds in their cabin are bunked. The woman looks to her husband after they prepare for bed and asks "Up or down?" Suddenly, her husband grabs her, throws her on the bottom bunk, and they proceed to make wild, passionate love. Needless to say, the rest of their cruise was spent mostly indoors, enjoying the new found more...