Racing Jokes / Recent Jokes
A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists. The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese could do to better the car. The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, they than sent it to the U. K. The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and window tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese, who added on a lowered suspension to the tiny car. The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists, looked at the tiny car, appreciated all the modifications the other countries had made, turned it over and stamped a sign on it.... MADE IN INDIA!!!
A priest wanted to raise money for his church.
Seeing that there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep that the priest ended up buying a donkey.
The priest figured that since he had the donkey anyway, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. Much to his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the daily racing form carried the headline: "PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS".
The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again the following day. This time the donkey won! The next day the racing daily read:' PRIEST'S ASS OUT IN FRONT'.
The bishop was so upset with all this publicity that he told the priest not to enter the donkey in another race. The daily headline that day read: "BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS".
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid more...
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The more...
Why did the stupid racing car driver make ten pit stops during the Grand Prix? He was asking for directions.
Mabel has a habit of racing up and down the halls of the nursing home in her wheelchair, making sounds like she's driving a car.
One day, as she's racing down the hall, an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. May I see your driver's license, please."
Mabel digs around her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives Mabel a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross the center line back there. May I see your registration, please."
She digs around her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, issues her another warning and sends her on her way.
Off she zooms again, up and down the halls, weaving all over the place.
As she comes to the old man's room again, he jumps out, but this time he's stark more...
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks.' Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!'
Once upon a time in a place where little sperms grow, there was a super jock sperm who spent all his time working out. He did things like lifting weights and running, his most important duty. All the other sperm were very curious about his pastimes." Why do you keep working out all the time," they asked." Well," he said, "Of all us sperms, only one of us is going to make it to the egg. And that is going to be me." Well, the other sperms just floated around waiting for the day to cum (pardon the expression). And it did, and they were off! All those sperms racing along and far out in front of them was the super jock sperm, racing so fast and so hard (ha HA ) that they couldn't see him any more, but they still kept cumming. Alas, then, away in the distance, they heard a loud piercing scream. They still kept cumming though. And then very shortly the super sperm appeared, screaming with all his might, "Go back, Go Back! IT'S A BLOW JOB!"