Racing Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why is horse racing so romantic? Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!
Did you hear about the new downhill racing skis the ski resorts areselling this year? They are called Lewin-skis. They are for people who like to go down.
A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there was a fortune in horse racing, so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in a race. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured, however, that since he had it he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, in the first race his mule came in second. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWSThe preacher was so pleased that he entered the mule in another race. This time it won and the paper said: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONTThe bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The new headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASSThis was too much for the bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher gave it to a nun in a nearby convent. The headline the next day said: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWNThe more...
If a rabbit were racing cabbage, who would win?
The cabbage, because it's a head.
State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet. In recent years, several efforts have been made to legalize camel racing and ostrich racing in New Mexico, but to no avail. Those bills were defeated, but the legislature recently allowed gambling on bicycle races. Albuquerque: It is illegal for cab drivers to reach out and pull potential customers into their cabs.Carrizozo: It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public. Las Cruces: You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.
A Texan preacher wanted to raise some money for his church; hearing that there was a lot of money in horse racing, he decided to purchase horse. However, horses proved to be too expensive for his small budget, so he ended up buying a donkey instead. Figuring he had nothing to lose, the preacher decided to enter the donkey in the horse race, in which, to his astonishment, the donkey came in second place! The next day's headlines in the Daily Racing Form read:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
Encouraged by the donkey's strong beginning, the preacher entered the donkey in the races again. This time the donkey won, inspiring the headline,
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
Meanwhile, the bishop had gotten word of these outrageous headlines and decided that this kind of publicity was not good for his parish. So, he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races. Next day the headlines read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
Needless to say, the bishop was not more...
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!