Jock Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"

    Young Jock MacTavish got down on his knees to propose to her when a 10p piece dropped out of his pocket and rolled under the sofa. In the 20 minutes it took him to find it she had lost interest.

    The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there.
    "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department."
    "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look."
    He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
    Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.
    "You're not there, sir," he reported.
    "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."

    A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers.
    In the bar, he saw the local jock of the town's football team. He was bragging about his girlfriend and how she was lucky to have him for a boyfriend.
    The lumberjack, after drinking six bottles of beer, was heard to say, "Buddy, if she went out with me, she'd never go out with you ever again."
    To which the local jock replied, "Hey buddy, if she went out with you, she'd never go out with ANYONE ever again."

    A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers.In the bar, he saw the local jock of the town's football team. He was bragging about his girlfriend and how she was lucky to have him for a boyfriend.The lumberjack, after drinking six bottles of beer, was heard to say, "Buddy, if she went out with me, she'd never go out with you ever again."To which the local jock replied, "Hey buddy, if she went out with you, she'd never go out with ANYONE ever again."

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