Prisoner Jokes / Recent Jokes

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing?" The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem." A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time?""Ya, that vill be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before?" The German replies, "Vhy, ya." The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..." The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to more...

There was this Sheik in the desert who was a very cruel man, but had a sporting nature. Once when he had condemned a prisoner to die, he changed his mind and gave the man a chance to go free.
He explained to the prisoner that he must conquer three challenges to be given his freedom.
He said they are contained in these three tents you see before you. You must drink all the Arabian wine you find in the first tent. In the second tent you must remove an absessed tooth from a saber tooth tiger with your bare hands.
If you survive that, you must then satisfy the romantic wishes of a beautiful princess in the third tent. Should you complete these tasks, you shall go free with my blessing and the princess as your bride.
The prisoner was eager to start and entered the first tent and soon singing and breaking bottles and jars were heard.
After some time, the prisoner stumbled from the first tent into the second and the singing became yelling and snarling. The tent was more...

Prosecutor: What were you doing on July 15th at 9 o'clock in the evening?
Prisoner: I was eating hamburger.
Prosecutor: What were you doing at 9: 30 p. m.?
Prisoner: I was taking a bicarbonate of soda.
Prosecutor: Do you expect us to believe you?
Prisoner: You would if you had eaten one of those hamburgers.

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, ”What are you charged with? ”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping? ”
“Before the store opened”, countered the prisoner.

A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. "Shall I run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly. "You must think Im daft," said the officer. "You stand here and Ill get it."

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place' the prison' and call my private thing' the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born more...

BOY: Since we met, I can't eat or drink... GIRL: Why not? ? BOY: I'm broke. BOY: May I hold your hand?? GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy. GIRL: Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?? BOY: What time was it?? GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY: You love me... GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?? BOY: Sure, what's your phone number?? GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.. BOY: Don't you ever want to improve?? BOY: I love you and I could die for you! GIRL: How soon?? SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?? TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth. Man: You remind me of the sea. Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting? Man: NO, because you make me sick. Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Husband: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter? more...