Prisoner Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Planting the Lettuce

    Hot 1 year ago

    A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:

    "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

    The prisoner wrote another letter back:

    "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

    Plan It ........... But

    Hot 2 years ago

    A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and
    resentful about her situation, she had decided that she would rather
    die than to live another year in prison. Over the years she had
    become good friends with one of the prison caretakers.
    His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died in a
    graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner died, the
    caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The caretaker
    then got the body and put it in a casket.
    Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before
    returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the
    casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.
    Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it
    with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the woman would
    leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were
    kept.
    She would slip into the coffin more...

    A
    prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear
    Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the
    back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read
    all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever
    you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where
    I hid all the money."
    A week or so later, he received another letter from
    his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe
    what happened, some men came with shovels to the house,
    and dug up the entire back garden."
    The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear
    wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

    Escaped prisoner

    Hot 4 years ago

    A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
    As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her
    on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
    While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
    I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
    This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
    Be strong, honey. I love you."
    To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
    He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the more...

    A group of prisoners were attending their rehabilitation meeting. Their assignment was to each stand up in turn, state their name and admit to the other inmates what crime they had committed.
    The first prisoner stood up and said, "My name is Stuart and I'm in for armed robbery."
    Everyone gave him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing.
    The next prisoner stood up and said, "My name is Dennis and I'm in for murder."
    Again, there was a round of approving looks and pats on the back. This continued around the circle until it was the last inmate's turn.
    He stood up and said, "My name is Louie and I'm not saying what I'm in for."
    "Come on now, Louie," the group leader said, "in order for you to make any progress, you must disclose what your crime was. Now, tell us what you're in for."
    "Ok, ok," Louie said, "I'm in for screwing dogs."
    A disgusted look came over the more...

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