A priest, a lawyer and an engineer have all been sentenced to death by guillotine for crimes they had committed. The executioner asks the priest whether he wishes to face up or face down when he meets his fate. The priest states he would prefer to die face up which would enable him to be looking towards Heaven when he dies.
The priest is placed in the guillotine and the executioner releases the lever. The blade comes speeding down, but jams just short of the priest's throat. Taking this as a sign from God, the priest is released and set free.
Next, the lawyer is led to the guillotine, and hoping he will be as fortunate as the priest, he too decides to die face up. Again the blade is released and jams just inches away from his throat. As with the priest, the lawyer is released and set free.
Finally, the engineer is led to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up. Just as the executioner is about to release the lever, the engineer shouts, "Wait! I think I see what more...
The judge looked at the defendant and yelled, "I thought I told you last time that I never wanted to see you here again!"
"Your Honor," replied the criminal. "That's what I kept trying to tell the police, but they just wouldn't listen."
'It's a pity you've gone on hunger strike,' said the convict's girlfriend on visiting day.' Why? '' I've put a file in your cake.'
A group of youngsters were on a field trip to their local police station. While there they noticed a bulletin board with pictures of the ten most wanted criminals. One youngster pointed to one of the photos and asked if it was really a picture of a wanted criminal.
"It sure is," said the officer. "We want to capture him very badly."
"Then why didn't you just keep him when you took his picture?" asked the youngster.
Three criminals were each sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement for the crimes they commited. Each of them were told they would be permitted to bring one thing into the cells with them.
The first one requested a stack of books. The second one asked for his wife and the third asked for a couple hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they opened up the first criminal's cell. He came out smiling and said, "That was great. I read and studied so hard, I'm bright enough now to be a lawyer."
They then opened the second criminal's cell and he emerged with his wife and four children. "That was the most wonderful time of my life," he said. "My wife and I have never been closer and we have a wonderful family to show for it."
When they opened the third criminal's cell, he staggered out, shaking uncontrollably and stammered, "Anyone have a match?"