Playboy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the new Catholic edition of Playboy?
It's got the same centerfold as the regular edition, but you have to pull it out at just the right moment.

An elderly French playboy entered the door of his favorite sporting house and asked the Madam if he might have an audience with Renee.
"Alas, monsieur," replied the Madam, "Renee is visiting her dear 1 Mother in Provence. Would you care to see Musette?"
The old gentleman smiled. "No, thank you, chere madame, I will return another day. When do you expect Renee to be back?"
"Saturday next," said the Madam. "Your devotion is to be admired. But can you not find diversion in the company of Clothilde? Or Gaby? Or the lively Yvette?"
To each suggestion, the old man shook his head. Curious, the Madam asked, "Renee is, of course, charming, but what does she possess that the other girls do not?"
"Patience, chere madame," he replied, "patience."

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusementpark. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. Theride completed, she seemed rather bored. "What would you like to do next?" he asked. "I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young mantook her over to the weight guesser."One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he wasabsolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, hebought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he askedwhat else she would like to do. "I wanna be weighed," she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thoughtthe young man, and using the excuse he had developed aheadache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home soearly, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have anice time tonight?" "Wousy," said the girl.

The September issue of "Playboy" magazine will feature Paris Hilton impersonator Natalie Reid of Canada.
Incidentally, Reid has officially replaced curling as Canada's most pathetic export.

Playboy is marketing a new chocolate bar. Their slogan: Melts in your mouth, not under your kid’s mattress.

Or...Warning: Eating in bed may cause sticky sheets.

Hugh Hefner has split with 28-year-old actress-model Holly Madison.. Hefner is so old he once dated Dolly Madison.

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It's Playboy magazine publisher Hugh Hefner. One of my three girlfriends has decided to stop seeing me. I saw this coming after I told her that I don't want to be married and have children. She's still here in the Playboy Mansion, but she says it's over, so I guess it's over. What do you think I should do?


Dear Hugh,

You are absolutely right. When she says it's over, it's over, and there is nothing to keep her from leaving. But there should be. Nothing keeps a relationship going like shackles. I promise: She won't ever leave you if she can't.

You need to make a grand romantic gesture to keep her from leaving you, and the best way to say “don’t leave me” is to chain her to a radiator. That's right: Imprisonment can be romantic.

Keeping her as a captive girlfriend instead of a wife guarantees that she won’t go anywhere. If she runs away from your marriage, she gets half of your money. If she tries to run more...