Pickle Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Cucumber a Pickle and a penis are sitting around talking about how difficult each of their lives are. The cucumber says "I have it the toughest i get chopped up and put into salads." The pickle responds " well i get put into a jar for months filled with my own urine." The Penis looks at them both and laughs at them "You guys have it easy" "I get shoved into dark caves 4 days of the week and have to do pushups until i puke."

    Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death.
    Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term, "in a pickle." Although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucmis sativus possesses an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.
    Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative:
    99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
    100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
    96.9 % of all Communist sympathizers have eaten pickles.
    99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 6 months preceding the accident.
    93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where pickles were served frequently.
    Evidence points to the long-term effects of pickle eating: Of all the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% more...

    One day a penis, a pickle and a cucumber were all standing around talking about how much their lifes suck.
    The Cucumber said "
    Imagine sitting in dirt all your life and then shoved in a bag, tossed around, drenched it water and then cut up into little pieces."
    Then the Pickle chimed in with, "
    You think thats bad, try having to deal with being put in a tub of water, almost drowning, and then having a ceiling put on top so you sufocate to death."
    Then the Penis spoke "
    whatever, you guys got it easy....All my life i've gotten beaten, pushed and pulled, have bags put over my head and then hit against a wall until I throw up."

    A lady stumbles into a bar.
    She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it."
    He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.
    She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.
    She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because... because I've got heartburn."
    The bartender says, "Look, lady...it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, "
    You have your left tit in the Ashtray!"

    A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it."
    He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.
    She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.
    She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because..because I've got heartburn."
    The bartender says, "Look, lady...it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, "You have your left tit in the Ashtray!"

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