Cucumber Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Cucumber a Pickle and a Penis

    Hot 2 years agoby
    Koi

    A Cucumber a Pickle and a penis are sitting around talking about how difficult each of their lives are. The cucumber says "I have it the toughest i get chopped up and put into salads." The pickle responds " well i get put into a jar for months filled with my own urine." The Penis looks at them both and laughs at them "You guys have it easy" "I get shoved into dark caves 4 days of the week and have to do pushups until i puke."

    101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men
    1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
    2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
    3. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
    4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.
    5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.
    6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
    7. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
    8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
    9. With a cucumber you can get a single room... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.
    10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
    11. You can go to a movie with a cucumber... and see the movie.
    12. You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber... and you can stay in the front seat.
    13. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.
    14. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn... or send you out for Milk Duds.
    15. A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film more...

    One day a penis, a pickle and a cucumber were all standing around talking about how much their lifes suck.
    The Cucumber said "
    Imagine sitting in dirt all your life and then shoved in a bag, tossed around, drenched it water and then cut up into little pieces."
    Then the Pickle chimed in with, "
    You think thats bad, try having to deal with being put in a tub of water, almost drowning, and then having a ceiling put on top so you sufocate to death."
    Then the Penis spoke "
    whatever, you guys got it easy....All my life i've gotten beaten, pushed and pulled, have bags put over my head and then hit against a wall until I throw up."

    There was a Cucumber a pickle and a penice.
    The cucumber said i have it bad when i get big fat am juicy i get cut up and put in a salade.
    The pickle says no no no i have it bad when i get big fat and juicy i get put in a jar with diffrent spices.
    The penice is like yeah when i get big fat an juicy i get a tarp put on my head and stuck in a DARK room and i have to do push ups until i get sick through up and i pass out.
    lol

    There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
    Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid.
    She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of having sex, she turned on the lights.
    She looked down and saw her husband was holding a cucumber. She gets completely upset.
    "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!"
    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly " I am going to be able to explain the cucumber, a lot easier than you are going to be able to explain our three kids."

  • Recent Activity