Cucumber Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Cucumber a Pickle and a penis are sitting around talking about how difficult each of their lives are. The cucumber says "I have it the toughest i get chopped up and put into salads." The pickle responds " well i get put into a jar for months filled with my own urine." The Penis looks at them both and laughs at them "You guys have it easy" "I get shoved into dark caves 4 days of the week and have to do pushups until i puke."

    101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men
    1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
    2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
    3. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
    4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.
    5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.
    6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
    7. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
    8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
    9. With a cucumber you can get a single room... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.
    10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
    11. You can go to a movie with a cucumber... and see the movie.
    12. You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber... and you can stay in the front seat.
    13. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.
    14. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn... or send you out for Milk Duds.
    15. A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film more...

    One day a penis, a pickle and a cucumber were all standing around talking about how much their lifes suck.
    The Cucumber said "
    Imagine sitting in dirt all your life and then shoved in a bag, tossed around, drenched it water and then cut up into little pieces."
    Then the Pickle chimed in with, "
    You think thats bad, try having to deal with being put in a tub of water, almost drowning, and then having a ceiling put on top so you sufocate to death."
    Then the Penis spoke "
    whatever, you guys got it easy....All my life i've gotten beaten, pushed and pulled, have bags put over my head and then hit against a wall until I throw up."

    A pickle, A cucumber, and a (member) were all sitting around discussing how bad their days were. The cucumber said I had the worst day ever my boss tried to pickle me. Oh yeah said the pickle my boss tried to eat me. I have all you guys beat said the (member), my owner stuck a bag over my head put me in a dark cave and made me do pushups till I threw up.

    Like A Woman
    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
    Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom.
    Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
    Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
    Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
    Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
    Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
    Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
    Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
    Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes more...

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