A Cucumber a Pickle and a penis are sitting around talking about how difficult each of their lives are. The cucumber says "I have it the toughest i get chopped up and put into salads." The pickle responds " well i get put into a jar for months filled with my own urine." The Penis looks at them both and laughs at them "You guys have it easy" "I get shoved into dark caves 4 days of the week and have to do pushups until i puke."
101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men
1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.
5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. You can go to a movie with a cucumber... and see the movie.
12. You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber... and you can stay in the front seat.
13. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.
14. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn... or send you out for Milk Duds.
15. A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film more...
A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't matter.
A cucumber won't need to be sucked off.
A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
A cucumber won't lie to you about having a vasectomy.
A cucumber won't want to come on your face.
A cucumber won't fall asleep too soon.
A cucumber won't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
A cucumber won't make you sleep on the wet spot.
You won't find out that a cucumber is: married, on penicillin, or trying to screw your sister.
A cucumber won't grab cash from your purse while you're asleep.
A cucumber won't come home late, stinking of beer.
A cucumber won't run off with a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
All cucumbers are fresh and juicy.
You can keep as many cucumbers as you want.
Your mother won't flip out finding a cucumber in your house.
Cucumbers don't jam the freezer with food you don't like.
Cucumbers don't stay up until 4 and then demand that you take care of more...
A pickle, A cucumber, and a (member) were all sitting around discussing how bad their days were. The cucumber said I had the worst day ever my boss tried to pickle me. Oh yeah said the pickle my boss tried to eat me. I have all you guys beat said the (member), my owner stuck a bag over my head put me in a dark cave and made me do pushups till I threw up.
Like A Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes more...