Penis Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Perfect Penis

    Hot 3 weeks ago

    A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad.

    That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see this is a perfect penis."

    The next day the second five year old boy met the first five year old boy and called him behind a hedge.

    The boy exposed himself and said, "This is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!"

    A guy in an elevator

    Hot 2 days ago

    A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it.
    He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast.
    He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to forgive me."
    She looks at him a few seconds and says, "That's all right. If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 204."

    Q: Why are women so bad at mathematics?
    A: Because men keep telling them that this...

    |------------------------------------|

    ... is 12 inches.

    A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus, and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. While his father was gone buying popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
    "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, not that at the other end."
    "Oh, that's the elephant's tail."
    "No, Mom. Down underneath."
    His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
    Pretty soon the father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda.
    While she was gone the boy repeated his questions.
    "That's the elephant's trunk, son," he replied.
    "Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing at the other end, down underneath the elephant's tail."
    The father took a good look, "Oh. That's the elephant's penis." "Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
    The man took a deep breath and more...

    A couple are driving along the freeway and the husband, who is driving, is complaining about everything... the heat, the long drive, the bad drivers, the country, etc... and his wife is getting tired of his depressing talk. So she says to him: "One more complaint and I'll cut your penis off with my pen-knife".
    About half an hour later, he starts complaining again, and before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife, slices the guy's dick off, and throws it out the window.
    Driving behind the couple's car is a family of three: husband, wife, and a 8 year old daughter. The penis lands on their car's windshield, and the father, in an absolute panic (as he doesn't want his daughter to see the penis), quickly turns on the windshield wipers (to get the dick off the windshield, and out of view of his daughter).
    The observant daughter asks: "Daddy, what was that?"
    Her father, still in a panic, says, "Oh it was only a... uh... more...

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