Pickle Jokes / Recent Jokes

A pickle, A cucumber, and a (member) were all sitting around discussing how bad their days were. The cucumber said I had the worst day ever my boss tried to pickle me. Oh yeah said the pickle my boss tried to eat me. I have all you guys beat said the (member), my owner stuck a bag over my head put me in a dark cave and made me do pushups till I threw up.

A woman walks into a bar already wasted. She goes up to the bar and says,"
Beer tender, get me a bubble martuni with a little pickle in it."
So, the bar tender gives the women her drink. She downs it, and again she says,"
Beer tender, get me another bubble martuni with two little pickles in it."
Bar tender gives it to her and the woman downs it. Then she says, "
Beer tender give me a little peptobismal I have a little heartburn."
Bar tender says,"
First of all its not Beer tender, its bar tender, its not a bubble, its a double, its not a martuni, its a martini, its not a pickle its an olive and you dont have heartburn your left tits in the ashtray!"

After every line I type, say out loud to yourself, Hairy Pickle
There once was a guy named
He lived in a town called
Nobody did like
So they hung him buy his

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, she got fired too."

Ed was employed at a pickle factory. After working there for a number of years, he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. Hearing this, his wife suggested he see a sex therapist to talk about it. Ed told her that he would be much too embarrassed, but vowed to overcome his complusion on his own.
A few weeks later, Ed came home looking very ashen. His wife could tell immediately that something was seriously wrong. "Ed, what's wrong?" she asked.
"Remember I told you how I had this overwhelming urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" he asked. "Ed, you didn't!!" his wife said. "Yes, I did." Ed said.
"My God, Ed, what happened?" she asked. "I got fired," replied Ed.
"No, Ed. What I mean is, what happened with the pickle slicer?" his wife asked.
"Oh, well she got fired too!"

Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death.
Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term, "in a pickle." Although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucmis sativus possesses an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.
Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative:
99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
96.9 % of all Communist sympathizers have eaten pickles.
99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 6 months preceding the accident.
93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where pickles were served frequently.
Evidence points to the long-term effects of pickle eating: Of all the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% more...

Pickle Juice and Tickle Me went on a boat ride. Pickle Juice fell out of the boat. Who is left in the boat?
You should have someone read this to you.