Patrons Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Ballerina

    Hot 4 years ago

    A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London.
    She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked,
    "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
    The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,
    "Give the Ballerina a drink!"
    The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down in one. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked,
    "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
    Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and boomed,
    "Give the Ballerina another drink!"
    The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling more...

    Hairy Armpit

    Hot 4 months ago

    A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a Bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
    The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.
    But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
    The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
    Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
    The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"
    The drunk replied, more...

    Recently, a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighborhood bar in Wisconsin. Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching.

    After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

    Finally, he started his car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.

    At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer having patiently waited more...

    2 cops are sitting in their car outside of a local bar. They were waiting to see if anyone would drive home drunk. A guy stumbles out, obviously drunk out of his mind. He falls down flat on his face.
    5 bar patrons leave the bar. The cops don't care about the other patrons, they are just waiting for him to start up his car. He falls again on his face.
    5 more patrons leave the bar. Finally the drunk stumbles to his car door and opens it up and sits inside.
    6 patrons leave the bar. Finally the drunk starts up his car but before he could move the cops are on him sticking a breathalyzer in his face.
    He takes the test and passes with blood alcohol level of 0.00. The cops are pissed and asked him what the hell he was doing.
    The drunk replies, "I'm the designated decoy."

    A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs.
    The son is just a head!
    But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
    After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
    With the entire bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
    Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.
    The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
    The patrons chant "Take another drink"!
    The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
    Swoooop! Two arms pop out! The bar goes wild.
    The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another more...

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