"Best Drinking Story Ever Told" joke

Hot 2 years ago

Recently, a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighborhood bar in Wisconsin. Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started his car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.

At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man consumed alcohol at all.

Dumbfounded, the office said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

A woman got turned down for a job on a building site so she threatened to take the company to court for sexual discrimination, when they relented they gave her a job with a scaffolder and she was told that she had to learn 3 hand signals so that she knew what the scaffolder more...

A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along. Pizza thought:"Ok.I'll let him pass, there's no hurry. Two minutes lateranother whiskey comes by and pizza let him pass too, buttwo minutes later when the next one got there, pizza more...

So... the other day, my friends and I went to this "Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill
The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek
Not to be outdone, another more...

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had on the biggest boots she'd ever seen! The woman asked the cowboy, "Is it true what they say about men with big feet?"
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little more...

A husband and wife noticed that their little boy's penis was a little too small so they took him to the doctor. They expressed their concerns to the doctor. The doctor said to feed the little boy lots of toast.

The next morning, the wife gets up really early and makes more...

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