Original Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Copies of Copies (adult)

    Hot 4 years ago

    A new monk arrived at the monastery. He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying copies, not the original books. The new monk went to the head monk to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
    The head monk said, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." The head monk went down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
    Hours later, nobody had seen him, so one of the monks went downstairs to look for him. He heard a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and found the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying. He asked what was wrong.
    "The word is 'celebrate'," said the head monk.

    The Original Version:
    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
    The New Liberal Version:
    It starts out the same, but when winter comes, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
    America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
    Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on NightLine more...

    Importance of Accuracy

    Hot 9 months ago

    A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying from copies, not the original manuscripts. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks the old monk what's wrong, and in a choked voice came the reply... "The word is 'CELEBRATE!"

    Amazing Facts

    Hot 3 years ago

    * The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

    * Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

    * The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

    * Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

    * British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

    * Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

    * When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

    Part 4 - (Opearting Systems)
    ------------------------
    What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer? CP/M? God forbid - CP/M after all, is basically
    a toy operating system. Even little old ladies and grade school students can understand and use CP/M.
    Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix hacker never can remember what the PRINT
    command is called this week - but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game. People don't
    do Serious Work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games
    and research papers.
    No, your Real Programmer uses OS/370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of
    IJK305I error (s)he just got in h(er)is JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to
    the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs burried in a 6 megabyte core dump without
    using a hex calculator. (I have more...

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