Bugs Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Original Version:
    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
    The New Liberal Version:
    It starts out the same, but when winter comes, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
    America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
    Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on NightLine more...

    CAT User's Manual

    Hot 6 years ago

    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    ' 'Squawks'' are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem, (S) = Solution

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    (P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
    (S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

    (P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    (S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

    (P) Something loose in cockpit.
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit.

    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
    (S) Volume set to more believable level.

    (P) Dead bugs on more...

    Ant and a grasshopper

    Hot 6 years ago

    THE ORIGINAL VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.MODERN CANADIAN VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.The CBC shows up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to more...

    Part 4 - (Opearting Systems)
    ------------------------
    What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer? CP/M? God forbid - CP/M after all, is basically
    a toy operating system. Even little old ladies and grade school students can understand and use CP/M.
    Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix hacker never can remember what the PRINT
    command is called this week - but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game. People don't
    do Serious Work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games
    and research papers.
    No, your Real Programmer uses OS/370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of
    IJK305I error (s)he just got in h(er)is JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to
    the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs burried in a 6 megabyte core dump without
    using a hex calculator. (I have more...

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