Programming Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Perl Code

    Hot 7 years ago

    One dark night in hell, the Devil, bent upon his ultimate revenge, determined to become a computer programmer.
    Secretly he pored over main pages, Microsoft press releases, and hex dumps of the renowned SATAN program, until, satisfied that he was master of the unclean craft, he began to work his mischief.
    Lounging near the back gate to heaven, he remarked to Jesus that there were some things the Devil could do better than God. Perl programming, for instance.
    The Savior, knowing something was afoot, but unwilling to let the slight go unchallenged, suggested a programming contest to last from sunrise to sunset, to see who could solve the halting problem in the fewest lines of Perl code, with God Almighty as the judge.
    Sparks flew from the keyboard, and a sublime glow emanated from the monitor of the Prince of Darkness and the Prince of Peace, respectively, until five minutes before sunset, when a bolt of lightning flashed and the computers went dead.
    A few minutes more...

    This is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
    Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
    Here's how it works:
    This device is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.
    Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, the devices with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information more...

    Real Programmers

    Hot 3 years ago

    Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell
    Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
    Real programmers don't write application programs. They program right down to the bare
    metal.
    Application programs are for dullards who can't do system programming.
    Real programmers don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get.
    They are lucky to get any program at all.
    Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
    understand and even harder to modify.
    Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
    Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the
    novice and the coward.
    Real programmers don't use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy application programmers.
    Real programmers don't use more...

    DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

    Quotes about computers and software and other things

    ' Unix was not designed to stop people from doing stupid things, because that would also stop them from doing clever things.' --Doug Gwyn

    'True research is like fumbling in the dark for the right switches. Once you've turned the light on everyone can see...' -- unknown

    'An idiot with a computer is a faster, better idiot' -- Rich Julius

    'The C Programming Language - A language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.'

    'Pascal - A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.'

    PROGRAM - n. - A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages. v. tr.- To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.

    'Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not more...