Code Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The secret code word...

    Hot 5 months ago

    An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen."From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen."This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!"The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said -"I don't know why you're laughing; your wife more...

    Murphy the Spy

    Hot 2 months ago

    The CIA lost track of it’s operative in Ireland “Murphy. ” The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, “The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning. ” If it’s really him, he’ll answer, “Yes, and for mist at noon as well. ” So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a bar in one of the small towns. He says to the bartender, “Maybe you can help me. I’m looking for a guy named Murphy. ” The bartender replies, “You’re going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There’s Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There’s Murphy the Banker, who’s president of our local savings bank. There’s Murphy the Blacksmith, who works at the stables. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too. ” Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code more...

    Perl Code

    Hot 6 years ago

    One dark night in hell, the Devil, bent upon his ultimate revenge, determined to become a computer programmer.
    Secretly he pored over main pages, Microsoft press releases, and hex dumps of the renowned SATAN program, until, satisfied that he was master of the unclean craft, he began to work his mischief.
    Lounging near the back gate to heaven, he remarked to Jesus that there were some things the Devil could do better than God. Perl programming, for instance.
    The Savior, knowing something was afoot, but unwilling to let the slight go unchallenged, suggested a programming contest to last from sunrise to sunset, to see who could solve the halting problem in the fewest lines of Perl code, with God Almighty as the judge.
    Sparks flew from the keyboard, and a sublime glow emanated from the monitor of the Prince of Darkness and the Prince of Peace, respectively, until five minutes before sunset, when a bolt of lightning flashed and the computers went dead.
    A few minutes more...

    A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients
    1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
    2. Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.
    3.Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
    4.Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
    5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.
    6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, more...

    Real Programmers

    Hot 2 years ago

    Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell
    Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
    Real programmers don't write application programs. They program right down to the bare
    metal.
    Application programs are for dullards who can't do system programming.
    Real programmers don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get.
    They are lucky to get any program at all.
    Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
    understand and even harder to modify.
    Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
    Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the
    novice and the coward.
    Real programmers don't use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy application programmers.
    Real programmers don't use more...

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