Attack Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Heart Attack?

    Hot 4 months ago

    A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.' What's up?' he says.

    'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the woman.

    He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,' Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!' The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.

    Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.' You jerk,' yells the husband,' my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!'

    Monsters, Inc. was a cute animated movie that is pretty funny, but definitely for kids. You should go see it if you have kids, are a kid, or like to pretend you're a kid late at night by wearing diapers. It's made by the Pixar people, who did Toy Story and A Bug's Life, and that pretty much tells you what to expect. Same technology, but a couple years later, so it's a little better, a little more lifelike. Movie gets a nice, solid 3 6/7 Babylons. You'll have a good time, but try not to see it in a theater filled with too many kids- they can be annoying. Especially when the one right behind you spends the last fifteen minutes kicking your chair telling its Mommy that it needs to go to the bathroom.

    OK, now let's talk about the Star Wars trailer.

    By now, you have seen it, or heard it, or had it described to you by a cyber-dork named C3PO4EVR on a host of fan sites. You know it's really short. You know there is no dialogue. You know that the only sound you get is more...

    Climate/Terrain: Any Usenet
    newsgroup
    Frequency: Common
    Organization: Thread
    Activity cycle: Any
    Diet: Lusers
    Intelligence: Low (3-5)
    Treasure: None
    Alignment: Chaotic evil
    (neutral)
    No. Appearing: 1
    Armour Class: n/a
    Movement: 'c'
    Hit Dice: 100
    THAC0: n/a
    No. of Attacks: n/a
    Damage/Attack: n/a
    Special Attacks: See
    below
    Special Defences: See
    below
    Magic Resistance: 100%
    Size: Exists as mental force
    only
    Morale: Elite (14)
    XP Value: 1,800
    The Usenet troll (Trollicus useneticus bloodyirritatingus) is an evil
    mental parasite found in all areas of Usenet, where it preys upon the
    brains of lusers (Homo stultissimus). Most clueful people avoid these
    creatures, since Usenet trolls know no fear and attack unceasingly,
    demanding responses from their prey.
    Usenet trolls are immune to flames (Flammae useneticae), which is
    unfortunate, as most will try to attack them more...

    The Red Shirt

    Hot 5 years ago

    One day, a pirate ship is cruising the seas off the coast of England when the scout yells, "There's a English ship on the horizon." Immediately, the crew looks to the captain, who valiantly says, "Bring me my red shirt." The captain dons the shirt and the British ship commences the attack. The captain and his men fight valiantly and crush the british attackers.A few days later, the scout yells, "There are three English ships on the horizon." Immediately, the crew looks to the captain, and again he says (in his most manly voice), "Bring me my red shirt." Again, the English ships begin their attack and the pirates fight off all three of the attacking ships.After the battle is over, one of the mates sheepishly approaches the captain and asks, "Sir, why do you keep asking for your red shirt?" The captain replies, "I ask for the red shirt so if I am injured in battle, you will not see my blood, and will continue to fight." The more...

    Where is John?

    Hot 1 year ago

    Once president BUSH went to a school. After have a brief talk with
    the children he asked them if they had any questions to ask him.

    One boy raised his hand and stood up.

    Bush: whats your name

    John: john

    Bush: whats your question

    Johm: sir I have three questions


    1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO

    2) where is osama

    3) why do America support Pakistan so much



    Bush: you are an intelligent student john..(just then the bell for
    recess rang).

    oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.


    After the recess

    Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any
    question?

    Peter raises his hand

    Bush: Whats your name?

    Peter: sir I have 5 questions.

    1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO

    2) where is more...

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