A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. After applying lipstick in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints [purportedly practicing the perfect pucker].
Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together who wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2 pm.
They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.
The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was to remove the waxy lipstick, and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean. The custodian then demonstrated...
He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to more...
What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy "no, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids more...
These two Austrians were walking through a wide African desert (do not ask me how they got there - I do not know).
After a while one of them says: "Why are we walking through this desert just for this senseless joke. Let us build a bridge!"
The other one agrees and they do so (what else?).
When later arriving at the airport the second one says: "We idiots! Why did we build a bridge in a desert where there is no water just for the sake of this joke."
"Hey, you are right", the other one said, "let us go back and remove it again."
On approaching their monument the first one says: "Oh, just forget it. We cannot remove this bridge."
"Hey, why?", asked the other guy.
"Look up, there are two Swiss standing on our bridge trying to catch a fish!"
** Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
** Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.
** To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
** Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.
** To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.
** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top.
** Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won't be any stains.
** When a cake recipe calls for flouring more...