How are opera singers and sailors alike?
They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back,
and instead of bleeding, he sings.
Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman? A: Stage makeup.Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? A: Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale.A: She was known as the deep C diva.Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? A: The baritone.Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds.Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid? A: When the other tenors notice.Ever hear the one about the tenor who was so off-key that even the other tenors could tell? Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One more...
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT, IN FACT URGENT, IN FACT VITAL MESSAGE
FROM GLOBSQUIRTLE TIMESHARE RIPOFFS INC!!! SO URGENT THAT WE
HAVE KIDNAPPED THE POSTMAN'S GRANNY AND WILL BE PULLING HER
TOENAILS OUT UNLESS HE DELIVERS THIS LETTER PRETTY DAMN QUICKLY!!!
YES!!! YOU HAVE ALREADY WON ONE OF THE FOLLOWING PRIZES!!!
Solid gold Rolls Royce with built in wine cellar, swimming
pool and radio telescope.
Ten zillion pounds in used notes.
A lifetime's supply of Plutonium (or a year's, whichever
is longer) and as much custard as you can eat.
Twenty paintings by Van Gogh, showing a bearded loony
with one ear. Oh, in fact that's HIM, sorry.
Manuscript of an unknown Wagner opera, "The Gods strike back"
which was supposed to come after the other ones. It turns out
that Siegfried isn't really dead and Wotan claims on the Insurance
for Valhalla. Also the deeds of Bayreuth Opera house so that
you can get the thing more...
A WOMEN'S PERSPECTIVE
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have more...