Missing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Thanks to your efforts to reunite the 11 missing students with their home country, three of them have been found before they were molested, killed or kidnapped by any terrorist ambitions. However, as the AP reports, “Eight students remain at large.”

Have you an unusual Intelligence? Do you find you lose interest in supposedly "Interesting movies"? It could be that you're one of the 5% of the population that has the mental capacity of a steaming turd! If so, you may want to join MUNSA - Mentally Unemployed and Noticeably Stupid Association.
Try the questionnaire below. The results could surprise you! If you can't even read the question, you're halfway there already - just get someone to fill out our full color brochure at any trailing chemist, and you'll be in for some, good old fashioned non-challenging material.
1. Which of the following was one of the famous Marx Brothers?
a. STRETCH
b. SKID
c. HARPO
d. TYRE
2. The number missing from the series (1, 2, 4,.., 16) is:
a. YELLOW
b. GERANIUM
c. 8
d. TYRE
3. The letter missing from the series (a, b, c,.., e) is:
a. z
b. b
c. d
d. TYRE
4. A man walks into a Barber Shop, with $5. 00. He buys more...

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said,' 'but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy,' 'but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

Low-bandwidth as an information source.

Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps.

Made a career out of mid-life crisis.

Mainspring's wound too tight.

Makes a black hole look bright.

Makes predictions that make weathermen/economists look good.

Memorized every Dr. Seuss story written.

Mental software is Version 1. 0 / still in beta test.

Mentally qualified for handicapped parking.

Metronome needs oil.

Might still be a virgin except for what nature did to her mind.

Mind like a steel sieve.

Mind like a steel trap -- everything gets mangled / full of mice / nothing in, nothing out / rusted shut.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.

Someone actually sat down and read the paper work that came with an applicance. Here's what it said:
IMPORTANT! READ THIS BEFORE USING YOUR NEW DEVICE!
Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver. Which is why we ask you to:
PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT?
WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?!?
We're sorry. We just get a little crazy sometimes because we're always getting back more...

It was our first batch tour. The whole batch were out site-seeing in beautiful Koadai Kanal. The scenery was so picteresque, almost everyone lost touch with reality. Everyone but the class representative Anoop S. Kollam and the tour co-ordinator Arun A. George. They counted the student heading into the buses. Realizing Shanavas was missing, they headed straight to the Police Station. Like true leaders, they went straight to the constable and stated "Sir, we have one person, out of the 200 who came on this tour, missing. We would like to start a search immediately to find this person.". The constable sat at his desk smiling. He said "Young men, everything is under control. I will find the missing person in five minutes!". Everyone was impressed by the reassuring tone of the constable. He went on to say "About ten minutes ago, one person came here reporting that the 199 persons who came with him on a tour was missing. He's waiting outside!"

I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.