Missing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

    HEADLINES

    Hot 5 years ago

    HEADLINES
    1. Heroic dog drags problem child back into burning building.
    2. Solar eclipse – Public says affirmative action taken overboard.
    3. Half bodied lady rolls to Zimbabwe for free water.
    4. Dead fish threat in sushi shop.
    5. Heroic police officer risks life and limb rearming bomb in Mugabe's suit.
    6. Food poisoning caused by raw sushi.
    7. Solar eclipse canceled due to full schedule.
    8. Gay cow rapes sheep… twice.
    9. Cow turns out to be Australian in cow costume.
    10. Retard knocked over by parked car.
    11. New Zealand man re-united with sheep father.
    12. Retard turned fugitive after failed suicide.
    13. Happy- unhappy.
    14. Baby carrot run over, Doctors fear he could be a vegetable.
    15. AIDS aids elderly man, adds seven years to life.
    16. Sleeping man died on the job.
    17. Iraq! The bomb to be.
    18. Miracle leper goes missing after hot water turns to soup.
    19. Man loses only left foot.
    20. Baby goes more...

    The Missing Toupee!

    Hot 7 years ago

    The Missing Toupee! On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!"This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon.A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him."Excuse me, sir, can I help you?"The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny, you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it.I thought I'd found it more...

    1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
    2. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
    3. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
    4. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
    5. Hand me that...uh...that uh...that thingy there.
    6. Oh no! Where's my Rolex?
    7. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
    8. There go the lights again?
    9. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. And this guy's got two of 'em."
    10. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
    11. Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration.
    12. What's this doing here?
    13. I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.
    14. That's cool. Now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?!
    15. Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
    16. Sterile schmerile. The floor's clean, right?
    17. What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?!
    18. OK, more...

    A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
    "It's a period,'' said the little boy.
    "Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
    " I don't know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.

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