Maori Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three old ladies where walking through the park, when a guy jumped from behind a tree and flashed the old ladies. Two of the old ladies had a massive stroke. The third old lady was very very angry because she missed out, as he disappeared into the bush.
Maori falla walks into crowded pub and see's pommy guy he had a beer with one year ago. Pub goes dead quiet, maori falla walks up to the bar grabs two handles of beer and heads in the poms direction. You could hear a pin drop, hands one handle to the pom, downs his in one gulp and goes get another returns to where the pom is downs his handle in one gulp slams it down on the table and sez to the pom.
Maori falla " your the bugger who ran off with my wife!!!! eh mate?"
Pommy fellow doesnt utter a word, or touch his beer
Maori falla really fuming now, " Mate you got till tonite to bring...to bring back my ..... pauses to get the words right .. to bring back my milking cow you also took? So enjoy your beer you deserve it!"
Maori falla "Hey cuz how come you sheila's like those pommy falla's more than us falla's?'
Maori sheila " Coz cuz they better roots than you falla's?"
Maori falla "Eh! how come! how come they better rooters than us falla's then eh!"?"
Maori sheila " Simple cuz, when you falla"s wanna root, you walk up to us sheila's and put it in!"
Maori falla "Yea! so, thats what you do when you gonna have a root with a sheila isnt that right eh cuz?"
Maori sheila "Yea thats right cuz, you falla"s walk up to us sheilas and put it in!... But those pommy fallas!!..man when they wanna root they put it in first!.... THEN walk up to you?"
Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?
A: to get to the other side.
Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?
A: to get his motorbike back!
English tourists driving through New Zealand countryside when they spot 4 maori falla's struggling with a huge pole against the woolshed.
Curious they stop, watch and take photo's. Finally one of the tourist's curiosity gets the better of him, so he walks over to them and asks what are they trying to do.
Maori falla " wadaya mean! what are we doing?"
Pommy falla " I mean sir! why are you trying to lean that pole against this barn?"
Maori falla " So we can measure it eh!?"
Pommy falla somewhat bemused "Err!! pardon me for saying sir! but why couldnt you measure it the pole that is, while it was laying on the ground?"
Maori falla just as bemused at the question. "man you poms think you know everything eh!!! its because we want to measure the height not the length! Ok!?"
Maori falla sitting in the pub, guy walks in orders a pint.
Maori falla "Hey bro you a pom .. tell by your accent eh!?''
" Yes i am!" replies the pom, " and proud of it to bro?"
Maori falla "Oh! ok then where bouts you from then?''
Pom " From England?"
Maori falla "what part?
Maori falla "what part?"
Maori falla "Ehhhh!! you know???? the suburb man?"
Maori falla "never mind bro your a Pom from England eh!! Cheers mate?"
Maori falla "Hey cuz! where you going?"
Cuz "No where why?"
Maori falla "Well wait for me then I'll come with you?"
Maori falla " What we gonna do when we get there cuz?"
Cuz "Nothing why?"
Maori falla " Was gonna ask the other guys if they want to come with us and helpout! thats why?"
Cuz "Oh! ok if you want?"
Maori falla "Gotta go home now, shall we do this again tomorrow cuz?"
Cuz "Sure why not?"