Pub Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland ‘
    The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
    The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’
    The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin , I am.’
    The first one responds, ‘So am I!’
    ‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’
    The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
    The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’
    The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’ The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
    The other bloke answers, ‘Well, more...

    A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.

    One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

    The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

    The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

    The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?".

    The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could more...

    Waiting for a drink

    Hot 3 years ago

    Three men were waiting outside a pub for it to open so they could have drink when a policeman came upto them and asked why they were waiting there. The men told him they were waiting for it to open and he told them that the new owners couldn't open it till they had thought of name and suggested they thought of a name for it and when they had they came back and told the new owners.

    So the three men went away to think of a name for the pub and came back the next day with their suggestions. The first said to the owner, what about the Queen's head? but the owner said, no, too grown up, and the second one suggested the Queen's arms? but the owner didn't like that one either, so the third one said, well what about the queen's legs? And the owner like it, so he decided to name his pub the Queen's legs.

    The next day, the same three men were waiting outside the pub for it to open and the same policeman came up to them and again asked them why they were waiting and one more...

    Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first Marine he met, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The Marine said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Leave this pub right now!" He then approached a second Marine. "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the Marine's reply. "Then leave this den of Satan!" said the priest. Father Murphy then walked up to an old SgtMaj and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The SgtMaj replied: "No, I don't Father." The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" The SgtMaj smiled, "Oh, when I die! Why...yes Father. Shit, I thought you were getting a working party together to go right now!"

    A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck"
    "I see you're eyes are working" replies the duck.
    "And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
    "I see you're ears are working" says the duck, "now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
    "Certainly," says the landlord, " sorry about that, it's just we don't get many talking ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
    "I'm working on the building site across the road" explains the duck. So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for about 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.
    The ring leader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him; "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and more...

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