Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a muscular guy. Then the alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop!
The guy looks at him and says," If you do that again I will cut your head off with this here knife!"
The alien just did it again and said bloop, bloop, bloop! In anger the guy cuts off the guys head. Immediately another one grows back. Then the alien pushes his finger into the gys shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop!
The guy says if you do that again I will cut off your dick! The alien did it again so in his anger the guy pulls down the aliens pants and is shocked to see that there is no dick! In his astonishment he asks," If you don't have a dick then how do you have sex?"
The alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says," bloop, bloop, bloop!"
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"
The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."
With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"
The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial?".
"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."
The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?"asked the father.
"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got lot of guts calling again!" The more...
In New York City last week a taxi clipped a red Beetle while veering across four lanes of traffic to pick-up a fare. The two drivers got out to examine the damage the cabbie a short man of Middle Eastern origin,
the Beetle driver a hulking giant.
As the cabbie approached, the Beetle driver grabbed him by the shirt and hoisted him off the ground. There, at eye level with the cabbie's feet dangling in the air, the Beetle owner began screaming, every third
sentence being, "This is your lucky day!"
Eventually, the cabbie was lowered back to terra firma, but, then, the Beetle guy asked, "Don't you want to know why this is your lucky day?" He then proceeded to answer his own question:
"Because I'm on my way to anger management class and I don't dare show-up with blood on my shirt!"
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don''t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don''t know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I''d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn''t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn''s correct number to call her, I found
that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the' 'wrong'' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You''re an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word' 'asshole'' next to it, and put it in my desk more...