Letter Jokes / Recent Jokes

When the man came come, his wife was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" the man asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter it was written: PS. Dear Catherine, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."

Warren Buffett's annual letter to Berkshire Hathaway shareholders, mailed to them today, contains the usual mixture of anecdotes, jokes, admissions of mistakes and wisdom. Buffett says that companies looking at takeovers should beware of what sellers tell them; to illustrate, he tells this tale.
A man says to a veterinarian: "Can you help me? Sometimes my horse walks just fine and sometimes he limps."
Replies the vet: "No problem. When he's walking fine, sell him." (Warren Buffett is a famous US investor; probably the most successful investor of all time)
-- from Adam Starchild
via

Forest Gump goes to heaven...The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. St. Peter says,
"Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.
I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short and you have to pass before you can get into heaven.1) What days of the week begin with the letter T? 2) How many seconds are there in a year? 3) What is God's first name?"Forrest says, "Well, the first one - how many days in the week begin
With the letter "T"?
That one's easy.
That'd be Today and Tomorrow."The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims!!
"Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but...
I'll give you credit for that answer."How about the second one?" asks St. Peter.
"How many seconds in a year?""Now that one's more...

In 5th grade we had a new kid in the class, Mei Chung, from China. The teacher explained he knew no English but was learning fast. She told us that he'd have trouble with the sound of the letter L and said he'd sound like he was saying the letter R. He was likeable and did okay. I was thinking of Mei Chung recently. Figured he must be an engineer, and I couldn't help but wonder how he spoke of Obama's election.

The word "racecar", "kayak", and "radar" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

"a man a plan a canal panama" spelled backwards is still "a man a plan a canal panama"

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

"Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food FROM freezing.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming more...

Dave Barry says:
In the early days, different brands of computers used different operating systems, which meant that people switching from one computer to another would have to learn a completely new set of instructions. This was obviously inefficient, so in the early 1980s, most major computer
manufacturers agreed to stop forcing people to learn a bunch of different operating systems, and instead adopt a single, uniform, standardized operating system so absurdly non-intuitive that nobody could learn it. This system was called MS-DOS.
The MS, of course, stood for Microsoft, the company that was started by the brilliant software genius Bill Gates. Gates is a very rich man today - Forbes Magazine estimates that he is worth more than the entire O. J. Simpson defence team combined - and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
To understand what I mean by versions, let's consider an analogy involving cars. Suppose you've purchased a new car, and you more...

The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them. Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was.
April 18, 1994
Mr. John T. Mongan 123 Main Street Smalltown, California 9;;;;,-;;;;,
Dear John:
You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised. Most students would be.
But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.
The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!
Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from more...