Ketchup Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents'
    house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a
    non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.
    I thought my mother and by date would hit it off like partridges
    and pear trees.

    So, I was wrong.

    Sue me.

    I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the
    invitation. "I know these family things can be a little weird," I
    told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun
    on Christmas Eve."

    "Sounds fine to me," Karen said.

    I had only known by mother for 31 years when I told her I'd be
    bringing Karen with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really
    looking forward to meeting all of you."

    "Sounds fine to me," my mother said.

    And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's.
    What more...

    Ketchup and Liquor...

    Hot 7 years ago

    (This is a joke for you and a friend. Tell your friend that everytime you ask a question to answer with "Ketchup and liquor")
    You: What did you have for breakfast?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
    You: What did you have for lunch?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
    You: What did you have for dinner?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
    You: You see a hott girl walking down the street. What do you do?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.

    Knock Knock Ketchup

    Hot 3 years ago

    Knock Knock Who's there? Ketchup Ketchup who? Catch up with me and I'll tell you!

    Ketchup and Liquor

    Hot 2 years ago

    Whenever I say something you say:
    ketchup and liquor

    What did you have for breakfast?
    ketchup and liquor

    What did you have for lunch?
    ketchup and liquor

    What did you have for dinner?
    ketchup and liquor

    What do you do when you see a woman?
    ketchup and liquor (catch up and lick her)

    Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Insert into your nostrils. Inhale your food.
    Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.
    Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.
    After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"
    Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.
    Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch' em and proceed to make this meal yourself.
    After finishing your more...

  • Recent Activity